seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
