so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
