I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
