dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
