no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
