you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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