I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
