The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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