You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
