I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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