AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
