idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Two words: nipple clamps
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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