its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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