Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
