im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
