I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
