FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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