he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
