I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
