I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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