it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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