Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
