he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
