i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
