i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
