Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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