I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
