Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
