we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
