I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
