don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
