you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
