The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
