i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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