He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
