Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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