Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
