Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
