My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
