Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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