Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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