i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
