My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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