I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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