Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just gargled with NyQuil
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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