I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
