From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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