If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
