Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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