That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
