her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
