My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
