Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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