Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
