College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
