All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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